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How to Consciously Create the Relationship You Want

Create the relationship, that is the ground for your transformation, the realization of your potential.  -Davita Moodley

Creating a loving, committed and passionate relationship  is one of the most common requests I receive in my practice. The conscious and intentional act of creating the kind of relationship you want. This process is particularly beautiful in that it is so revealing and transformational.


With an abundance of resources available on how to go about this, it is easy to receive mixed results. Manifestation without introspection may lead to temporary satisfaction like getting some of the more superficial relationship desires met. However at a deeper level, persistent subconscious patterns will continue to repeat themselves, like a the wolf in lambs clothes.

This is the process I recommend for deep and meaningful relationship manifestation:

Making the Unconscious Conscious:

In the wise words of Carl Jung, “Until the unconscious becomes conscious, you will call this fate.” This is often the idea behind a fated love, filled with magnificent highs and devastating lows. Yet, another way of looking at this would be unconscious relationship creation. As I discussed in my other blog, the role of unresolved early subconscious patterns in creating destructive relationships. Becoming aware of these patterns, their functions and being able to heal and make peace with the past. This then is an integral step in the process of creating a fertile ground for a healthy relationship.

•Cultivating a Relationship with Self

The most important relationship in life, ironically is the one you hold with yourself. This relationship often falls into a gray area as introspection is not a typical feature in relationship seeking. It is easy to miss the reflection in the mirror. One has to consider, with the awareness of my unconscious patterns and understanding of the past that shaped me, how do I feel and think about myself. How do I treat myself outside patterns of self sabotage. Am I loving, kind and patient with myself or am I harsh and critical. Reteaching this relationship is key, learning how to love and accept oneself fully.

Relationship Selection Process

Once a baseline of stability and general satisfaction with being in ones own company is established. The ground is now fertile for the planting of conscious relationships goals.
This is an extremely important step and key to manifesting the relationship you want. Based on the factors that have been proven to be the key features of successful relationships. These include kind and supportive communication, sexual attraction and chemistry, shared values and culture and intellectual compatibility. By breaking these factors down becoming explicitly specific your lens of reality is refined. As your draw only those that match your highly specified criteria.

Working with the Criteria

Once you have your relationship criteria, the time has now come to put it to test in the real world. This is a highly aware and active process. The time has come to select people that meet your non negotiable criteria and possibly some of which you are willing to negotiate with. At this stage I ask my clients to choose 3 activities a week that they enjoy at which they could meet like minded individuals. When dating it is essential to carry your intentions into the world and be willing to say no to what won’t work and yes to what will. This is also a time to keep aware of the rise of any unconscious patterns and simply to recognize them and let go of any attachment that may have formed as a result. Be discerning, yet open during this time.

Contentedness and Acceptance

As you move into this process, I can’t emphasize how important acceptance is. This means accepting what is and what isn’t. Having faith in your capacity to create the relationship you want and being content with being on your own. This sense of being contented and complete without any urgency allows the manifestation process to take place with ease. When there is attachment and fear, this usually yields fearful results.

Recognition and Gratitude

When you do meet the person that you both intuitively feel and intellectually know meets your criteria, then allow for recognition to set in. Know that this was not a magical occurrence and recognize that this is a result of the work you have put in. Gratitude throughout this journey is a wonderful way of celebrating the wonderful capacity you have to create the life and relationships you now have. Show gratitude daily to both your partner and yourself. This serves as a reminder of the miracle of your relationship.

Treat this relationship as a sacred ground for transformation and always remain aware of subconscious patterns. It is through a sacred relationship like this that all personal change is possible.

Please feel free to comment or share my blog or follow me on social media. Thank you for reading and I would love to hear from you.


  • Davita Moodley

    Davita is the founder of the Infinite Potential System© and is Clinical Hypnotherapist, Empowerment Counselor and Motivational Speaker. She created the Infinite Potential System to offer a science based approach to goal actualization utilizing Hypnotherapy, Cognitive Behavioral therapy and Mindfulness. This 90 Day Program is based on the principle of neuroplasticity, rewiring the brains thinking patterns; giving individuals the capacity to achieve their relationship, career and well being goals and live a self realized, purposeful, fulfilling life.

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